Hi.

Welcome to my brain.

one busy kid

I am currently on the phone with lifelock because yay my identity was stolen because yay I'm a dope and these things happen to me. Prior to the phone call, I was running around Lincoln trying to get too many things done. This day is not long enough for all the things I need to do. 

I started off by putting mattes on my prints. Two of them were for me, and my room looks way cooler because of it. Johnny got me a Fernando Cobelo print for Christmas, and it's amazing. Seriously. One of the best gifts I'll get this Christmas for sure. The other one is a print from my friend Austin. My room looks way cooler now. After that, I went to the bank to take out money since I don't have a card and I'm paranoid about using my card. Half of me wants to take all my money out of the bank anyway and just keep cash. I hear it's not a good idea. But I mean hi my identity got stolen. Idk I have a lot of feelings.

The bank put alerts on my account, so hopefully that helps. After that, I went to the Bay to get my fave matcha tea to calm my busy little brain. I hopped on my lap top to fix a few more things in my website (whoo hoo it's done and this is it you're on it I'm obsessed with it please stick around). It took me a hot minute (like an hour) to finish everything that I needed to do. Honestly, I'll probably just keep updating it and updating it and I'll never be totally satisfied. But! I like it so far. 

So after an hour of doing that, I started doing this drawing. Okay. So I had a commission earlier this month from this guy Davey. Davey is one of Cam's bosses (Cam is my super cute boyfriend in case you forgot or don't know). Kind of. I'm not totally sure what the work dynamic is there. Anyway, Davey asked me to turn his cats and his dog into monsters. I did and it was awesome. 

After I did these drawings, which were $150 a piece, Cam drew Davey's name for their office Secret Santa. I guess those are real. He invited me to go Christmas shopping with him yesterday.

Poor lil Cam was getting all kinds of stressed whilst shopping for Christmas gifts. Evidently the only gift he got was the gift he got for me. I know, he's cute. We went to the mall first, where he parked very far away. Like, further than he needed to. I think he has an irrational fear of parking lots maybe. But it was probably better that he did park far away because he definitely wasn't the only person out shopping the Sunday before Christmas. He was looking for gifts for his two sisters, his parents, and Davey. He had vague ideas of what he wanted, but nothing concrete. He ended up buying things for his sisters at the mall. But we left as soon as we were able to. 

After that, we went to Target, where he searched high and low for gifts for Davey and his parents. I think he started sweating. After finding out that the gift that he got for his sister was $10 cheaper at Target than it was at the mall, and no gifts in sight for the other three, we decided it was time to go get a beer. I offered to help with Davey's gift by making a third drawing to go with the other two that I already made. So that's what I did today.

I sat in the Bay for four hours, after fixing my website and matting the drawings, and then drew Davey's present for Cam. Which I kind of wanted to do anyway. I started wondering if I would have time to make prints for stocking my website. Which has been my primary cause of stress. I also remembered that I had to ship out my prints, hang up my new art, and call Lifelock/ credit bureaus and fun things like that. As I was driving back to my apartment around 3:00, I realized that I didn't eat breakfast. And I'm realizing right now at 5:38, that I still haven't eaten breakfast. I did have time to get prints (and they're amazing: order them lol), and I even had time to write this blog. 

I think I'm starting to figure things out and I'm really grateful to be this busy. I was worried for awhile that once I stopped going to school, I would be bored. But running around and making art and shipping it out and having art shows and raising money and getting money stolen--I'm learning things. And I don't think that I'll get bored. I'm already a little over half way done raising money to go to Spain, and I'm trying to put all the money I make from my art towards my Camino. I feel pretty confident right now that I'll actually be going. 

I thought, for a minute, that I'd be able to start making my books again soon. I then remembered that I have two more commissions before I can start those again. I'm working with my friend Anna on two to three other books after I finish Monster Looking for Friendship and The Girl with a Globe for a Head. I think I'll be busy for a little while anyway. 

Through all of this, I've been having to constantly remind myself that, though this is good and exciting, it's going to be hard. Especially to remember the reason I'm doing it. I will make my life art, but I will not make art my life. I didn't drop out of school to pursue art, I dropped out to pursue mission. Art is a great asset, and I'm so grateful that I have this gift to share God's goodness, but it's hard to stay grounded sometimes. It's easier when I'm sitting in mass or praying at night to remember everything. But throughout the business of my day, I feel the business becomes a distraction. And then stress turns into anxieties turns into fears. When that happens, I know that I have stopped pursuing God and I've started pursuing my own life. That happened today. I was stressed that I wasn't going to finish Davey's drawing, and then I was anxious to finish it, and then I was scared that if I didn't finish, I would disappoint Cam (which is kind of impossible I think). I was worried that I wasn't going to get my prints. I was afraid that my website wouldn't look right, or that I wasn't uploading the right files. I was scared that someone had my social security number, that someone was going to steal the money I have. I was worried about all of these things and then I finished all of them and the drawing actually looks really really good. 

 

And I even have time to go to a movie with Cam! And he's here, so I'm going to go do that. Because he's great and also a groovy gift from God. 

Happy Christmas season, and may you never stress yourself out unnecissarily because hi God is with you ok.

Happy Christmas

art and hands and art

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